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First Snuggie, now company introduces the WTF Blanket

With all the success of the Snuggie and the increasing amount of its commercials on television, there's a new product on the air called "The WTF Blanket." Order now!

AMC following up 'Mad Men' with 'Meshugene Men'

It was just a matter of time before AMC took advantage of the success of its drama series "Mad Men." The problem with the show, according to some viewers -- not enough Jews. So now here comes "Meshugene Men."

Denise Richards Stricken by News of Shawn Johnson's Stalker

Denise Richards is reportedly incredibly distressed by the news that her fellow "Dancing with the Stars" co-star, Shawn Johnson, was the target of a stalker. When Johnson's stalker was apprehended by the "DWTS" security detail, it was revealed he had guns, zip ties and love letters stashed in his car. It was this stomach-churning information that put Richards over the edge.

When talking with reporters, Richards emotionally stated, "The stalker should have been stalking ME, not Shawn Johnson. I'm sorry I can't do a back handspring but I was the one that was married to Charlie Sheen. Doesn't that deserve a gold medal? Or I don't know a bronze? Like at least some precious metal. What's palladium worth these days?"

(*Clarification note: Viewers/victims who tuned into Richards' reality show, "It's Complicated" were in fact awarded Gold Medals for Bravery).

Richards further commented, "The stalker meant business - I mean, he had zip ties. That takes serious focus. It's a shame he wasted it on Johnson and not me. I just hope that my future stalker is as serious as this one was."

-Meredith McKenna

Lauren Conrad Shocks the Fashion World by Leaving...FINALLY

The fashion world was stunned today by Lauren Conrad's announcement that she is taking a break from her fashion line. Designer Marc Jacobs was so shocked by the news that he was rendered speechless, asking "I'm sorry, who is Lauren Conrad?" Designer Narciso Rodriguez released the statement, "I'm devastated by Lauren Conrad's exit from the fashion world. Only Lauren could make those bland, baggy t-shirt dresses that retail for $380."

 

Conrad reportedly has decided to take time off from fashion to pursue her true passion, herself. In her myspace blog, Conrad explains, "The pressures of starring in my reality TV show, making personal appearances and playing with my phone in public is too much. I haven't had time to be self-absorbed, which is what I need in my life right now. I feel reinvigorated about the opportunity to focus on myself for once." Fans of "The Hills" need not worry for a Lauren-less existence, as her rep confirmed that in 2012 she will appear in a follow up reality show, "After The Hills: My Life in Pacoima."

-Meredith McKenna

Obama To Save ‘ER’

The long-running TV show “ER” was slated to end in a few weeks, but it looks as though the Obama Administration s not quite ready to let it die. Many real ER's have been shuttered lately due to bad financial times and a troubled healthcare system. NBC’s  “ER” was supposed to close this year because people weren't watching it and ad revenues were drying up. The Obama administration, however, has concluded that letting "ER" fail would unravel an already fragile healthcare system and so they will be pumping billions of dollars into the show to keep it alive.

"When we heard about the show ending we moved in immediately to save it," said Nancy Juarez Wong, Deputy Secretary of Healthcare Reform. "The show needed the equivalent of two open heart surgeries and that's what we gave it. If people see an ER that big and famous closing it could shake their faith in healthcare and we don't want people to lose faith during these difficult times."

The producers of the show were at first stunned by the overture. They thought the administration was perhaps a little confused. But when they received their first stimulus check they concluded that the Obama team was spot on. One said, "A lot of people, including doctors, turn to our show to help them make health decisions. You definitely don't want people turning to ‘Grey's Anatomy’ for health advice. We already have enough problems with sexually transmitted diseases in this country."

-Jeffrey Tipton

Robin Williams Not Making Anyone Laugh After Surgery

Robin Williams underwent heart surgery and is recovering at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. He postponed his comedy tour at the beginning of this month after announcing he needed to have an aortic valve replacement. Now that he's recovering from surgery, doctors are upset that Robin is not making them laugh.

"I've operated on several comedians before and the deal is that they usually crack a few jokes so their publicist can say that they were joking just hours after the surgery," says Dr. Richard Smaol. "He just looked to be in a lot of pain and didn't say one funny thing. I'm not sure what his publicist will say now. This whole thing has been really disappointing."

People Magazine has just pulled a cover story that had been titled "Heart Surgery is a Laughing Matter for Robin Williams."

Injured Lance Armstrong Quickly Changes 'Live Strong' Bracelets

Lance Armstrong was taken to the hospital Monday with a possible broken collarbone after falling during a pileup in the first stage of a race in Spain. He immediately called the headquarters for Live Strong to make a slight change on the popular bracelets.

"This really f*cking hurts," said Armstrong. "No, that's what the wristband will say from now. 'Live Strong But This Really F*cking Hurts!"

'Dancing With The Stars' New Season To Feature Former Al Qaeda Leader

Khalid Sheikh Mohamed will be featured as the 6th season of "Dancing with the Stars" starts in June. Though previously not a fixture on network television, the former terrorist leader is well-known from released taped threat messages to media outlets, and is training several hours a day to prepare for his presentation to a large TV audience.

This follows an extremely successful season 5, in which former Haitian dictator Baby Doc Duvalier won against competition that included TV writer-producer Shonda Rhymes, musician Captain Beefheart, voice actor Jim Dale and the late adventurer Steve Irwin.

-Dominic Zeller

Low Watt Sex Appeal Leveraged For New Ashton-Demi Project

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore will be collaborating a new spy film caper, wherein the lack of any observable chemistry is expected to be a selling point to audiences. "Films like the Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, or Brad and Angelina thing in 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith,' is for a different audience, and frankly, we can't afford those actors anyway," said producer Sid Garabedian. 

"Tom Thumb and his Wife" (the film's working title) is expected to start filming in the fall.

-Dominic Zeller

'America's Top Junkie' Premiere Delayed Till Fall

The anticipated spring launch of FOX's "America's Top Junkie" was delayed this week when host Gary Busey was forced back into rehab, forcing the hosting duties back to original choice Ryan Seacrest.

"Well I'm honored, obviously," Seacrest said, "though my prayers are with Gary, that he fully recover, and return to television."

The network will utilize the Danny Baldwin-produced "America's Top Alcoholic Deadbeats" as a programming substitute in May.

-Dominic Zeller